Lucknow Diary -An act of self defence

It was spring of 1990 .The last year of my service at Alambag Army School as Math professor ,a place where I invested my life.Saw 35 years of pure knowledge with a tinge of sorrow,pain,smile and most importantly, saw the rise and fall of fortunes that students made for themselves ,for their family and country.

.....


Next day ,I took it easy as Nita said.While taking a stroll to see the construction of our new Railway colony home I found a letter lying around my courtyard.It read ..

To

Amol Gupta
Makan no 7,Railaway Colony
Alam bag - Lucknow
Pin-226005

....

It was my daughter's letter she wanted me and my wife to visit her home in Sydney after my retirement.I somehow promised her years back that I will bring mummy to your home,once school's over.We still had to think over our trip and my promise.I was pushing it over for next summer.Maybe because I loved my country.I knew what I would do after my school,I would study Indian politics.Yes,I was one of those enthusiast who would mug up 3-4 newspapers everyday and brag about their knowledge of this upcoming popular subject in Indian community.Polity was my subject when I was preparing for civil services although I couldn't get through but I knew I loved it and can dig deeper into the subject.

Few years back I had a strong feeling that India is going to change.Change for good ,change under this visionary man - Rajiv Gandhi.I saw fire in his eyes when he addressed Indians,he said powerful words.. going for glory with every speech he made for us.Indian National Congress were indeed witnessing best years of there existence as a unified party ever since Independence.And we Indians needed nothing but just that.But not to forget if someone loves you ,then hate is around the corner too.Those haters took his life away.Yes they killed him.

As a teacher I was disheartened and disappointed, even though I was older but I felt I lost my young tutor, who promised to change my country's destiny or to think the other way I lost my best student. I politely told my wife that night -"I never told you who my best student na Nita, he is a martyr now". "Acha woh kaun hai,aj kuch hua kya school mein ?" I continued "Nahi, his name was Rajiv Gandhi.I don't know when the youth will rise now, maybe after ages ab". My wife laughed over and always asked me to take it easy with the political drama around.

But reason I was concerned,was I wanted my students who were mostly 13-18 years old , to have an icon to follow.To have someone they can rest their hopes upon.I often after class told them stories about motivational leaders world had.One such  man was no more now.

Picked up the letter,read the conditions that my daughter wrote down.Smiled and started to walk back home.Nita was waiting for this,after my granddaughter was born ,I too was worried at times for Nitya of how she would be dealing with everything all alone.But she was a strong kid.

As I walked I ran into one of my student I vaguely remembered him,but as he approached further and greeted me I was sure he was Veer of the 85 batch.The notorious Veer.How can any teacher on earth possibly forget him.Not often I remembered notorious students but Veer created a scene in school during his time which I can't forget.

He was involved in a broom fight between two sections that went so furious that he accidentally went on hitting the principal.First he converted a simple paper ball fight into a pen throwing fight.And when the mastermind Veer thought this is not enough he broke into school's janitor room and brought some 10-11 broom sticks and became a weapon supplier for other boys of his section.Ahh created a havoc that day.

I remembered the last scene of that epic incident that was the talk of the town for days,thanks to the aimless local media that covered the news,in next morning's daily denting Army School's reputation also I was there standing over at corridor.And he was about to hit the principal but stoped and quickly said "Sir sorry sir" , breathing heavily he continued "Sir this was just an act of self defense,please forgive just an act of self defense nothing else".And smiled before the principal smacked him and asked him to stop talking.It made me laugh then.

Veer greeted me with a bright smile.I asked him "Kya kar rahe ho ajkal,padhai likhai karte ho ya bass matar-ghasti pehle ki tarah".Spontaneous as expected he was."Namaste sir ,nahi nahi karta hn na Engineering nikal li hai abhi MBA ke exam diye the selection nahi hua hai." I got the hint when he said 'engineering nikal lia hai' that he must have barely passed. .I asked a serious question from a person in his youth and as stupid as Veer "Kuch banna hai Kuch banogey kabi ".His reply came with billion dollar smile "Banunga na sir banunga bilkul banunga"and I chose to walk away.But he greeted me back and enquired if I was going to live in the neighborhood. I asked "..why do you live here ? " he said cheerfully  "yes yes my house is right here at the corner of the road" he added "Ajaiye sir maza aega".Somehow I smiled again.Thinking its only good to visit Nitya in Australia than to see our youth wasting their time here in India.


We were there for almost 6 years, my son Himanshu shifted in Brisbane.We used to visit India only for over short periods. When we came in 1997 for Nitya's cousin's wedding ,we decided to check upon our Railway Colony home.Plus we thought we can get to meet our new tenant the Prabhakar's and also re-live our Lucknow days.As soon as I reached Lucknow the breeze of fresh air that was just the same fell upon me.My town was just the same.

There was a letter addressed to my new tenant lying at the same courtyard.I imagined by now letters must have had a nice friendship with the grass around, where they always made their first touch down.But with internet and emails these days,it would have been tough.It was some LIC policy.

That read

LIC -Life Insurance

Vedh Prabakar
c/o Mr. Amol Gupta
Makan no 7,Railaway Colony
Cptn.Veer bhadra Road
Alam bag - Lucknow
Pin-226005

My tenet Prabakar came out to welcome me.We greeted.I said with smile "nothing has changed except the address line ".Prabhakar replied yes this road is renamed.I was left aback I didn't actually got what he said then or may be I thought after my name I didn't read the address line properly.I re-read it -"Cptn.Veer Bhadra Road".And while Prabhakar went on narrating the story of a boy from this colony named Veer Bhadra Singh who was martyr at Kargil war and in his memory this road was renamed... I stood there in utter silence and disbelieve.Misjudging the youth of India and remembering nothing but those words Veer said that day "Banunga na Sir banunga... "

I looked upon the sky and said "Bangya tu yar.." from an act of self defense that boy went on to be a fearless leader for his country.I knew when I will go back ,I will tell Nita who my second best student was- a martyr perhaps Captain Veer Bhadra of Army School Alambag!!

RClouds

PS-Inspired by true events.

Race to Finish

      Imagine us the humans, any one person let's say me running a race. This thought, right here actually ,it might give you a kick in your head as to why stop at anything. So here's the scene its 1000 m race in a packed stadium I am a contestant. Everyone's there in stadium my family, my friends almost everyone. I am suppose to start my run with -the third gunshot!. I wait wait wait n then begin my attempt, feeling nervous but pumped up at the same time to perform. It was only few early minutes as I crossed 10 m I notice something off track .A curator jumps on the track, while I am running. I am thinking hmm.. Now that’s weird, what’s he doing and why is he running towards me like a bull. Is he trying to stop me? Why would he do that? His work is to supervise the competition, not to hold back the participant right. I say, lets slow down and ask if there is any emergency.

 While I maintain the slow pace, he is coming with an innocent face towards me also I had no ill will against him, I don't know him personally I gave benefit of doubt to his situation and believed that he  should be a good guy. Who would interrupt a race in between though. As soon as he is close enough  I am getting anxious too and I am around at 50 m from the start. That man tries to grab my hand and  tries to stop me saying nothing, speaking nothing out of the blue this man is stopping me !!.Shocked,  he tumbles, gets back up and tries to do the same again, I somehow manage to escape and run  even faster now. I look back and think -" What a weirdo!, was trying to stop me crook ,moron.

Now I have to double my pace because that man slowed me up.Then, after few meters of focused running I see my one of my not so close friend came running towards me I still believe him.But he tries to do the same

I resisted fought and kept running. Now I am thinking- What's wrong with these people. Why are they not letting me run. Then I focus back, oh I got so much to finish this one. I better concentrate.

The first 700 m were tough.People tried to grip me, push me.But not once, I stood there and asked a question - "hey what is happening ? why you don't want me to win this one or at least finish this one.I feel dejected.

Barely having the strength to complete last 300 m.Only thinking why is world against me,no one wants me to finish.

Then all of a sudden I come across the stand where my well wishers are sitting. Is this a moment of rejuvenation? Surprising. This gave me confidence. I got some energy finished 800 m mark

Then I saw my fellow friend lying down bleeding, saying as I approach him-"

Don't stop!! Keep running. Don’t wry about me. I will see you at Finnish line"

Of all people I wanted to stop for him. He was my best friend all this life. But he wanted me to finish.

So I believe him. Irony, there were people back there to stop me when I started and I believed them without knowing them I slowed myself for them and now here my friend whom I have trusted for life he  had to console me to believe him.

 Nevertheless , I kept going and in the last 100 m saw my family and my girl waiting for me at the finish line eagerly while I see behind, hundreds of people chasing me,with an aim to not let me finish the race ,my friend who is knocking these people down but there are so many of them. Had I stopped and thought why on earth people don't want to see me or us finish.Have you ever had a queer notion as why people or anything tries to bother you at first place.What good has it done to them anyway. But coming back to my statement -Had I stopped for any of those, I would have lost then and there.

But there is no time for that in life,right ? Is there any fellow runners I ask you ? Picture yourself going through this for a min .Close your eyes what's going on in your head right now.Agitated ,irritated or simply puzzled.Bamboozled with yet another lesson of life.

I finished my race finally and met my family, completed somehow with mixed thoughts and emotions. I didn't had the best time.My leg hurts. Disappointed in short. Still someone comes with a medal.

And I am shocked,because hello I wanted to ask "were you not watching the race I totally goofed up back there, why a medal??  I had the worst timing in the whole world.But when I gave a closer look at the medal,it read-

 "For the one who raced to Finish".

 I realized it was not the race to come 1st  ,2nd  or 3rd. It was about I still finish in-spite of everyone stopping me Or us or like the Rocky says "you me or anybody" .

Its true it ain't about how hard you get hit, its about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward.How much you can take and keeping moving forward, that’s how winning is done won't be this or that because of him or her or anybody, cowards do that as Balboa rightly says,"and that ain't you, you are better than that...."

Never let anyone hold you , stick a finger at your face and say you can’t. Or tell you to stop.

Keep running folks.

Remember your family is at the beginning.

In-between the race cheering.

And at the finish line.

To Pat your back and your efforts and your loved one to hug, they appreciate your run ,they are not going anywhere. And will always be there to take you away from everyone who tried to stop you.

Believe

Thank you.

R N Clouds

"Shiritori - Taking the end "

Pic source Google Images.

As soon as he finished reciting his chants, he checked the time in his new phone,he broke the promise made to Maira and was about to surprise her with one, it was 08:08.Smiled to himself, this was usual worshiping,praying to forgive for unintentional deeds, and he more often found himself staring at time that read same number for minute and hour like 01:01 or 10:10.It used to be an oh my god!!-not again, moment for him and thereafter running away places telling people about, but not now ,as no one would address the gravity and strangeness about this. It was nothing but time, of course what else could it be.

Years ago he read an article that said if constantly you see numbers with pattern then this is not normal,it means you have angels with you to signal things around you. These angels are nothing but your loved ones, they can be your grandparents or anyone who god presumes needs to be around you for lifetime. Initially he was scared but moreover, nothing unreal happened so far so he was living with it as just a myth. He even told Maira about it, but he thought she took it too casually always. He believed in God and waited for signals to make his decisions for life. Whenever confused there was only God’s signal that motivated him and kept him going ,one such signal was this minute hour pattern. He believed that angels were around him and always there to help him.

Reemus was in love with Maira, who was beautiful smart intelligent girl he went to college with-Nepal University in Lukla district .Things have been dicey lately with them. He lost his temper over an argument last night at dinner and busted the cloud of anger on her. Maira’s family wanted her to marry someone they loved. But she loved Reemus and knew they couldn't survive without one another. There was a time when he was after her for everything .Lately he was focusing more on his career. He always thought he would convince her, never he imagined that things would go this far and he regretted his decisions because he loved her so much. But even though they were poles apart as Maira used to say, Reemus always replied by saying that there is always a blind line for them “EQUATOR” where they can unite.

It was Saturday morning 25^th April 2015 and he was up to convince her again, called her to meet around 12 at the place they usually meet. She was not picking up his call so he dropped a message to meet at Lukla Starbucks Cafe. This cafe was unique in Lukla even though it was named Starbucks it wasn't the one of those popular chains still it served best lattes near Everest. Along with that he took a week off from work, booked a place for outing over the weekend and finally went to buy beautiful blue silk Scarf for her on his way which she was looking for. There was a long story with that scarf it was early Feb this year when they first saw it ,she already had so many scarf but there was a deal among them in that same month they both decided to save money for future and will not waste any money on things that they already have. Because of that deal he thought-" my iphone got hung and her scarf. It was regardless of her to even stop me from buying an iphone, just because I had an older version. How can you even compare technology with a silk cloth but then I was applying my typical boy-brain and she must be thinking the same other way around. He had immense respect for gadgets and technology especially apple and was a freak he was the first to buy every new gadget that was set to launch in the city. But he broke the promise and thought that she also deserves that blue scarf now.

He was running late quickly ran to that shop and asked for that scarf, the salesperson said "Oh I am sorry sir I will get you another one next week but I just sold the last piece”. Agony again he had to now hide the phone for one more week

It was 25th April 2015 around 12:12 Maira was waiting

24th April 2015

Maira returned after a fight with Reemus and she knew she had to grab a piece of something from her parents too. They finally told her when she returned that she will be getting married to a boy Sudhir they loved and not Reemus. Not able to pursue her family for wedding she fought with her mother and father. Locked herself in her room and wept. Later she woke up at night read sorry messages in her phone from Reemus, bought a knife and tried to cut her nerve it did pain she made a deep cut. While she was ready for more it was 11:11 pm and her phone rang , it was Reemus ,she stopped and finally made her mind that she would finally break his heart tomorrow, she was talking to the blood stained knife in her hand but she couldn’t do this alone she needed strength to do this Reemus was the mature one among two, so she decided to keep the blood stained knife in her purse and take it with her to remind her of what she was about to do, she didn’t want to meander when next time they meet. Quietly kept the blood stained knife in her bag, and made her mind that she will finally break up and won’t believe in true love ever. She also decides to break her promise and buy her blue scarf to start with early in the morning.

25th April 12:12pm

"She sat in the Starbucks cafe, sipping her coffee and staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her handbag, covered with her blue silk scarf.”

Flipping the local newspaper she glanced through the news without any interest, saw the sports column that Reemus liked but quickly stopped and focused on the knife she bought. She swooped the knife inside her purse and covered it with her scarf. She saw Reemus approaching towards the cafe, their eyes met through glass window, he started making faces and said sorry to cheer her up , tear trickled down her face as she was about to hurt him and herself. Suddenly ... everything started to shake tremble people started running she could feel tremors...what was it , was it so hard for the world to accept it ? Who was doing this? God or Angels that Reemus always talked about? What was it ??.. EARTHQUAKE. Everyone was shouting "Run its an earthquake!!.Chaos everywhere. For a second she was perplexed next moment she tried to see Reemus through the window he was not there! Her heart was beating faster like never before she didn't know what to do. Yesterday she was living, and yet dying every day and now when death was seconds away she was numb, she panicked like everyone else. Nepal was hit and hit badly by worst of Earthquakes in the history. Buildings started to collapse it was all happening in fraction of seconds she thought Reemus ran for life, she so much wanted to die here in this natural calamity with her knife and scarf two things that she could possibly take to heaven, she was lost , gave up she couldn’t move , she was shell shocked ,until a person grabbed her hand and pulled her out from her chair he had a kid with him in his arms, so she couldn't see his face ,she kept her head down and started following .. running with the person ,her saviour ,he was rescuing her as if a God came down from heaven it was his force that dragged her out and saved her. After few minutes every building collapsed beautiful city of Nepal was victimized by horrendous act of god an Earthquake that took away everything from Nepal in seconds. Maira could only see pile of debris around, her heart was still racing she never imagined something would happen out of blue when she turned she saw Reemus returning a kid to a mother and coming back to her. Her heart stopped for a min he had a blue scarf in his hands; it was Reemus her saviour she was happy inside her love came to save her , her true love it was her scarf which he probably grabbed while picking her up. He came and said "Sorry about last night and I could not get your purse so all important thing you had in there you lost it. But you have me forever I promise” and smiled at her”I broke my phone but I got you and your scarf... I love you forever” he said with tears..

She got the answers she believes in true love now. It was 01:01 pm and Reemus was saved by one of her angles maybe it was Maira.

Note: Never let your true love fade away listen to them listen to your family give your loved ones time and always follow god’s signal they can lead you to your dreams

Everthing is like it was!!

#[Meadow while crying and writing what just happend]

31st July,

[Her Diary:]

Dear Diary
He was so different,when we first met ...we clicked ..I love him so much I don't know what happened and I don't know why I am crying.I am in room he is in Kitchen.God this is like worst fear coming true.I want to write what is happening.

I came late from office he was happy.. might have come early he was waiting for me.I brought him few strawberry kisses he loves, last night we had a fight it was his fault I was quiet yesterday he promised he wouldn't do that ever.I don't know, it was me today.We were in some argument that started when I said "Wow! kitchen looks clean.." he was quiet after every fight he is so sorry that he hardly talks...but his love reflects when I hug him and he loves back he surely loves me so much.Anyway he made something I loved I was not hungry I wanted to eat but little later so I said I will take shower first,he looked at me and I also said I wish I had something strawberry today something pink that goes with this dress and winked,I don't know why I said this he made dinner I should have stayed there and appreciated what he made but ahhh I just said what I felt like...I didn't intended to hurt him I was happy he cooked I am always happy when he does that.I thought he is doubting that I am not hungry so I said something he was not replying I stopped I thought I should eat but by then he said or asked I don't know  -You had dinner?.. something made furious his taunts whatever it was, I broke a plate and left kitchen in mess.Last night we kissed and he said everything is like it was Mead.Pieces will be all over the floor I know he will argue now...I don't have strength to go down will he forgive me for this...I love us still..God

Meadow

Looking at the box of strawberry kissing chocolate, she cried...

[Nathaniel while cleaning what happened]

Both whispered I love you.It was like they were holding on something very precious.He turned and saw her going upstairs.Took a deep breath and said I love you ..its okay he started picking up the pieces  from floor , he mopped the floor..and made Everything looked like the way it was in Kitchen.It was like his words now last night he said everything can be same, the way they were, while he mopped- he was only saying its okay Maed I love you he kept repeating this.Tears were on the floor knowing she would be crying too.He knew it was his fault last night, she is the only trust he has.He knew this deep down not just saying he thought.He kept the food in fridge didn't eat and took something out from fridge and wrote a note and kept it on the plate near platform.


 [While coming back from office Nathaniel :

 What I did was bad yesterday I should get something for her...maybe something sweet to eat]


"A Strawberry pastry was left on platform with a note....."


Note Read "Everything is like it was see I cleaned nothing happened.This is how we clean whatever mess we create I will mop it.I am sorry.Please eat.I love you".


He slept on the couch when Meadow woke him up and asked to shift he was half asleep,eyes wet; she crawled to him, eyes wet and cuddled him and gave the strawberry kiss they left untouched

....

Sometimes when you kiss you don't have to say sorry it is just said...


True
Love


So enjoy Strawberry and love deeply, immensely, strawberrily
Even if it as strong as reading mind true love never hurts no matter what you say.

Nathaniel.N.Clouds